well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I feel like abortions should bother me more
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
