We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
