Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
