Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
