what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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