This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
