I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
