There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
