I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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