Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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