I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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