Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Randomize
