we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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