Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
