we were pretty classy up until the second keg
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
