the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
