so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
