Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
