I accidentally had phone sex last night
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
