I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
