WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
