well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
