I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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