I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
