I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
