Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
