That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
