so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
