u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
