I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
