Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
