I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
