So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
