I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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