dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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