One girl and one boy is just not enough.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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