break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
