you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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