I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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