I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize