i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
