what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
