It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
