I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
