Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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