The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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