You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
