I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
