walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize