At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
