Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
