i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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