You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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