Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
