John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
