32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
