Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
