He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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