How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I think im going to throw up on grandma
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
