Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
