Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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