did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
