I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
