stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
