Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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