I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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