I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
well you can't waste a boner
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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