So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
someone owes me an orgasm
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
